lions and lambs

This was a grueling trip. The daily workload was so high that I couldn't be my usual self (not that I'm typically free of mood swings). I think the same was true for Matt and Gabe. It was hard to tell when we were being silent simply because we were very tired and when we were quiet because the riding had put us in a foul mood. Of course there were plenty of laughs and good times, but undoubtedly, the daily riding took a huge toll on our outlooks. I was on the verge of snapping so many times from the relentless pace of the trip. I remember when I was in China for 3 weeks, the last week I caught some awful stomach bug from bad crab meat. The daily pain kept me in a low mood for the rest of the trip. This bike tour was something like that, where a few hard miles could take the wind out of your sails for the rest of the day.

In all my prep for this trip, I kept striving to be in shape for it, to be able to handle the physical hardship. While I thought I prepared really hard, it's probably never going to be enough for what you really do.

I thought I could just completely master the physical demand, but no, it was extremely hard. Early on, I was eager to climb up the hills and fly across the flats, but I would feel it right away as my energy ebbed away. In the last week, I knew I was getting worn down. I was eking every bit of effort I could from my muscles, but they were still tiring out. The final winding climb up to the Golden Gate Bridge was the climax. There was a strong, cold headwind. The grade was very steep. I hated it. But I knew I could do it. So I forced myself up and up until we'd reached the bridge. The view was the emotional end of the trip. Everything we had put in, all the care we had taken on the road -- that was so we could see this city. San Francisco is one of the few US cities with a non-transliterated name in Chinese. It's called the Old Gold Mountain. San Fran's story is of course entwined with that of early Chinese immigration and integration into America. The name embodies the excitement of wealth and opportunity in the new world. As I pedaled with my last legs across the gusty bridge, I thought about that name and what it meant for millions of Chinese looking to arrive here before me. All the risks they took and all the sacrifices they made. This was the destination they wanted to reach.

At the outset, I was so motivated to physically dominate this tour. While I had finished, it was no domination. Making that final crossing into San Francisco sealed this realization. I'd survived, but had been thoroughly humbled.